Romantic Love and Brain Health

How does love affect our brains?

There are different types of romantic love, including the kind that can happen in early stages of a relationship, when it’s hard to concentrate on anything else but that new person. That fiery, intense feeling of attraction triggers the release of dopamine and oxytocin—hormones and neurotransmitters that produce feelings of pleasure and reward.

The type of attraction can make a difference

Excessive focus on attraction, though, can affect the prefrontal cortex, negatively impacting rational thinking and decision making. Other research has found that long-term intimacy can trigger areas of the dopamine-rich reward system in the brain.

“Good, sound mental health positively influences relationships, and healthy romantic relationships positively influence mental health,” says Robert Grigore, registered clinical counsellor and founder and clinical director of Grigore Counselling & Associates.

“Knowing that one has a supportive and emotionally safe partner to lean on during challenging times can mean the difference between someone’s life ‘falling apart’ and experiencing a temporary ‘blip’ in their well-being. Having someone present that cares deeply about how you think, feel, and behave in the world satisfies a deep need we all have, which is to feel seen, heard, and to know that we matter.”

Healthy long-term romantic relationships can positively affect the following:

• immune function
• regulation of stress hormones
• mood
• motivation
• coping skills

A positive love relationship is one with a connection that encourages personal safety—physically, emotionally, sexually, financially, and even spiritually, Grigore says.

Healthy romantic relationships can provide resilience

The elements that make for a healthy romantic relationship—feeling valued and supported, a strong sense of connection, and even being lovingly challenged at times—can contribute to one’s self-confidence, self-esteem, joyfulness, and sense of resilience for facing life’s inevitable challenges, according to Bernadette Amiscaray, a registered clinical counsellor at Nightingale Counselling.

“A healthy romantic relationship can also give us the courage and security to try and live life more fully,” Amiscaray says. “Our mental well-being and sense of self can’t come exclusively from our romantic relationships, but being in a consistently healthy space with a loving partner sure does help with an overall sense of ‘I’m good, I can weather life’s storms, and overall, things are probably gonna work out.’ And this isn’t even talking about the endorphin-fueled mood boost that we experience in moments of deep connection to someone.”

How unhealthy relationships contribute to negative health consequences

According to Grigore, “Addictive and/or unwanted behavioural impulses are fairly common when one’s individual stress, perhaps brought about by relational challenges, reaches a point of feeling overwhelmed and powerless.”

Unhealthy relationships, which may involve, among other negative features, miscommunication; arguments; emotional, physical, or sexual abuse; or infidelity, could trigger beliefs such as “I’m not worthy” or “I’m not good enough,” which can lead to anxiety, panic attacks, depressive episodes, or post-traumatic symptomatology.

In what scientists refer to as “polyvagal theory,” which asserts that feelings of safety emerge from “internal physiological states regulated by the autonomic nervous system,” these negative relationship situations can trigger neural responses such as fight/flight/freeze/fawn or shut-down responses.

We know the meanings of “fight” or “flight,” but “freeze,” in this context, refers to our bodies’ inability to move against a perceived threat, while “fawn” refers to a stress response that seeks to appease someone in response to danger. The prolonged effects of negative relationships can lead to very negative mental and physical effects.

How to strengthen romantic bonds

Romantic relationships are kept strong when both partners are able to share their thoughts, feelings, hopes, and dreams with their partner while simultaneously feeling loved, cared for, and emotionally secure, Grigore notes.

“For many couples to get to this point, one or both partners may have to do their inner work to heal past traumas and betrayals of intimacy through some form of evidence-based psychological intervention such as EMDR [eye], CBT [cognitive], or DBT [dialectical].

“Aside from a clinical perspective, acknowledging and being mindful of your partner’s ‘love language’ is very important,” Grigore adds.

“… for couples who may be struggling with intimacy, especially for busy couples, … schedule moments of intimacy such as date nights, massages, or simple walks in nature. Sometimes all it takes is putting down the smartphone and reaching over to hold your partner’s hand; that act of vulnerability may be all that’s needed to bridge the gap between you two.”

Other ways in which you can make the most of love and strengthen intimate bonds include the following:

• journalling
• individual and couple’s therapy
• individual and couple’s goal-setting

According to Amiscaray, the following suggestions may help encourage a healthy relationship:

• Regularly amplify to your partner the big and small ways in which we like and appreciate them.
• Engage in thoughtful and effective communication in which partners use “I feel” statements to share their upset, rather than accusatory language.
• Take care of your own mental health so you can actually show up for your partner—and vice versa.
• Stop striving for an idealized or perfect romantic relationship; allow it instead to have its natural ups and downs, which helps make space for it to grow rather than being stifled by unrealistic expectations.

This article was originally published in the February 2025 issue of alive magazine.