By otakuyassine3@gmail.com 
On Sunday’s episode of The Excerpt podcast: Shlomi Berger’s 20-year-old daughter Agam was taken hostage by Hamas militants on October 7th, 2023. She was at a remote outpost of the Israeli Defense Forces and it was the beginning of her second day as a soldier. Her family hopes and prays she is still alive, though It has been months since the last sign of life. Nour Swirki is a Palestinian journalist and young mother of two who is now stranded in Gaza alongside her husband. Her two children, parents and siblings all crossed into Cairo when the border was briefly opened. Nour hoped she could follow soon after but that plan was scuttled when the border was abruptly closed again. Shlomi and Nour are just two of the many thousands whose lives have been upended by the events of October 7th and the year of war that followed. For both, it has been a year of agony punctuated by small moments of joy that somehow carried them through it all. This the story of that year, in their own words.
Hit play on the player below to hear the podcast and follow along with the transcript beneath it. This transcript was automatically generated, and then edited for clarity in its current form. There may be some differences between the audio and the text.
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Shlomi Berger:
I tried to disconnect myself, not to think what is she doing because this has break me.
Kim Hjelmgaard:
That was Shlomi Berger. Shlomi’s 20-year-old daughter, Agam, was taken hostage by Hamas militants on October 7th, 2023. She was at a remote outpost of the Israeli Defense Forces and it was the beginning of her second day as a soldier with the IDF. Her family hopes and prays she is still alive, though it has been months since the last sign of life.
Nour Swirki:
It was like going to the unknown as a displaced one who is seeking safety. I’ve been just thinking about the safety of my children.
Kim Hjelmgaard:
Nour Swirki is a journalist and young mother of two who is now stranded in Gaza, alongside her husband. Her two children, parents, and siblings all crossed into Cairo when the border was briefly opened. Nour hoped she could follow soon after, but that plan was scuttled when the border was abruptly closed again.
I’m Kim Hjelmgaard, USA TODAY World Affairs correspondent and this is The Excerpt. Today is Sunday, October 6th, 2024. Shlomi and Nour are just two of many thousands whose lives have been upended by the events of October 7th and the year of war that followed. For both, it has been a year of agony, a year of hope, a year of pain, and a year of small moments of joy that somehow carried them through it all. This is the story of that year in their own words.
Shlomi Berger:
On October 8, about 5:00 AM in the morning when I saw the video of Agam in the jeep and I said to myself, “Oh my God, she’s alive.” I didn’t say, “Oh my God, she has been kidnapped.” I just said, “Oh my God, she is alive.” And I didn’t thought in this moment that it will take so much time. I really thought that they will be here in two weeks. I believe that it would finish very quickly because this event was so big for the state of Israel. When I think about it today, I was so naive, I didn’t know.
Nour Swirki:
On the 7th of October, I’ve been in my home the day of this disaster. I stayed for a couple of days inside my home in Gaza City with my family until the 11th of October where I have that first evacuation. And then on the 13th, I moved to Khan Yunis because the Israeli army ordered the people to evacuate Gaza City with my family, with my children. Aliaa is 13 and Jamal is 11. I feel shameful that I’m leaving my place, my neighborhood, and to move to another place. It was my first experience to have this feeling of shameful, but I don’t have any choice because I’m afraid and terrified. I have children, I have to keep them protected and safe, so I moved. But it was a shameful moment for me to leave my place.
Shlomi Berger:
I start to connect to other families on the WhatsApp group because Agam was in Nahal Oz only one day before she was kidnapped. In the 7th of October, I didn’t know who to call to ask, “Okay, is Agam with you?” If she’s okay. Nothing. Okay, so we start to try to find the groups of other IDF girls and boys that has been in the Nahal Oz base and we start to write one to each other. And after two or three days, I called from one of the families to the sister of Karina that also is taking with Agam. Of course, since then, there are my new family for good and bad, I love them so much. We all in the same situation and we met almost every day to think together what we are going to do in the situation. Karina, Daniella, Liri and Naama, and Agam, the five girls that was taken together. We are friends. I know their girls as I know my girl.
I’m a civil engineer and after three or four weeks, I decided that I would go to work. It’s helping me to stay focused, to stay a little, I don’t know, not getting crazy. You’re doing things to keep your mind busy and sharp because we believe that everyone will come back and when they will come back, we need to be here strong for them. Because what they have been through, I don’t know what is their mental their situation. Not the physical situation, the mental situation. She need to deal with many things I don’t know and we must be here strong for her to raise her up that she could get back to her life. She’s a young girl. All her life is front of her.
Nour Swirki:
So I moved to Rafah in the early of December. The last night before our leaving, the shooting was too close to us and that the bullets were hitting the windows. I was extremely terrified to be all the night under this firing. So the first thing to leave and to go to another safe place.
Shlomi Berger:
We had a big hope when after 50 days women and children start to get out in the 24th of November. I hope my girl will get outside also in this deal. On the 26th of November, it was my birthday, me and my wife saw the TV that families are getting out. We were very happy. Suddenly I got a phone call. On the other side, there was a young girl and she said, “Hello, Shlomi. My name is also Agam. Agam Goldstein. I was with your daughter in the tunnels and she’s sending you happy birthday.” That was a crazy call. It was for me, my best birthday. And I thought, “Oh my God, I have a sign of life.” We hope that she will come. But after a few days, Hamas broke the deal and we get back to war.
Nour Swirki:
It was like going to the unknown as a displaced one who is seeking safety. So I was close to the Egyptian’s border and there was no infrastructure and there was no places to go. And then we start building our tents, making our camps. It was completely, completely empty. And after one week, it was completely overcrowded. After one week only from my arriving to Hamas in Rafah. Things were very expensive. It was another experience of suffering. My children were lining to get water, lining to get food, and we don’t have enough water. Also, they were diagnosed with hepatitis. Both were sick. And I was extremely, extremely terrified. So experience in Rafah was very tough for me as a mother.
Shlomi Berger:
I was in D.C. around the 100th day from the 7th of October. I was in a mission and other families in D.C. We talked to Congress. I went there because I believe then, also today that the most important player is the USA. They can affect the situation. Of course, they can’t affect on Hamas, but they can affect on Qatar. And Qatar is a very important player in this negotiation. We just went with pictures of the girls. I explained to everybody, “She’s a kid. She’s a teenager, okay? Don’t look at her as an IDF soldier because she’s not a combat soldier, okay? Look at this teenager. Okay, she’s not eating. I don’t know if they get her pregnant.” All of the awful things that I thought about in this time, I tell them and I saw that, okay, they are understand and they said that they will do everything to bring them back. Just telling the story from our heart. She have dreams. She only 19. Today, she’s 20, yes, but she was only 19, young girl. Why should she be in Gaza?
Nour Swirki:
My mother and my brothers and my sister with their children were evacuating to Cairo. They paid for that and they went out from Rafah crossing to Cairo. And I believe this was the horrible moment that I experienced and this were to be under this fire with my two children. They weren’t killed, but they are out. I don’t have any other people of my family stayed in Gaza Strip. Me and my husband are journalists and we have to work to do our job. So we will send them with no parents to stay under the care of their grandfather and mother. So it was confusing for us and it wasn’t easy for a parents to take this decision. I cried. I cried all the night before they’re leaving and the moment I take their hugs and then they just go. And since then, I didn’t see or meet them.
We stayed in touch. Me and my whole family who is now in Cairo, we chat with each other. We call each other. We barely seeing each other over a video call because always we are crying when we see each other. So we prefer just to take text, to write text or to make a voice note. It’s hard for me, for a daughter to be alone without her family. And it’s hard to my parents to see their daughter under this fire and they can’t do anything.
Shlomi Berger:
Bar, the one that just finished her school, she’s now 18the birthday. 18 for a young girl, it’s wow. But that was in February. It was her 18th birthday and she didn’t want to do nothing. But we told her, “Bar, you must do something.” And she said, “No, I want to do an evening for Agam.” And it’s only for women. We called it in Hebrew, hafrashat challah. All she wanted to ask is just her big sister. And that was her 18th birthday. Now, she graduated school and she’s at home and I see her every day. But when I look on her, I realize that also the best thing for her is to be busy. And for us as Israeli, as a Zionist, we know how much the IDF is important. Everybody need to go to the IDF. It’s a duty. And although the situation is hard, this is her duty and she will go.
A few days ago, Amit Soussana, she talked about what she had been through. Amit was with Agam some of the days. I know that they cuffed her. They hanged her from the ceiling and they beat her. And they tell Agam, “Don’t move. Look on her.” They threaten with gunshots and they need to look. She was tortured in front of their eyes. The young girls that say things like that, try not to think what is happening to her. Because when I think about it all day, I just get crazy. A father that can do nothing for his daughter, nothing. This is the bad feeling that we have because we can’t control the situation. We can do almost nothing, only to think what we can do. We just can do nothing.
Nour Swirki:
So to take my children out of Gaza Strip, it wasn’t like a decision taken in a moment, no. After my family leaving in February, the conditions were getting worse in Rafah. It was becoming dangerous and the risk is coming over and over. So I’ve been just thinking about the safety of my children. I start discussing this issue with my husband that children don’t want to hear more of bombing. We start to make the arrangements to let them go to Cairo by Rafah Crossing. And we were waiting to know the day that they will leave. Then it came suddenly with no organization.
It was, as I think the 16th of April. It was in the night, okay? I was just sitting and someone called me saying, “Nour, just let your children go to Rafah Crossing the next day.” I was shocked for some minutes. And then I looked to my Aliaa, tears and I was crying and saying to her, “Aliaa, you have to leave by tomorrow.” And then me and her just hugged each other and start crying. The next morning, we took them with our car to cross to Rafah Crossing. I didn’t even take any picture inside the shelter where we were together. Inside me, I refused the fact that my children are leaving. I will never see them again in case.
So we went to Rafah Crossing, we signed the papers and we signed their passports and then we put them inside the bus, which moved from the Palestinian side to the Egyptian side. And it was the last moment that I saw my children face to face. And they just arrived to my parents. They received them and sending me their photos. They were smiling and my children were happy that they are in a safe place. And I felt relieved that they are, but I miss them so much, so much. But it’s much better for them I know.
Shlomi Berger:
My youngest boy Ilay had his Bar Mitzvah. I didn’t believe that Agam wouldn’t be in his Bar Mitzvah, 13. It’s a big event for us, for every Jewish boy. And we didn’t believe that Agam wouldn’t be here. And we did it because you must celebrate it. And we did for him, as big as celebration as we can. Every event is hard. Agam’s twin sister, Lee Yam, maybe you won’t believe it, but we made her to go to officer’s school. She’s in IDF. Me and her mother spoke to her and she decided to go to officer’s school. So now she signed another one-and-a-half year in the IDF.
Nour Swirki:
Our marriage anniversary is on the 10th of March and his birthday on the 13th. Usually, we celebrate the two occasions together. So on the 10th of March, as I mentioned before, there was a lack and a shortage of food inside Gaza Strip. So my husband, Salem, yes, he take me to the car and saying to me, “Happy anniversary.” And I said to him, “Happy birthday.” And then he just can give me this biscuits. And it was something from the heaven because I didn’t eat biscuits before, since the 7th of October.
Shlomi Berger:
There was a sign of life on May. It’s as simple as you hear. You get a phone call and they tell you, “We have a sign of life. Goodbye.” That is the phone call. Nobody speaks how they got it. It’s intelligence so they can’t speak about it. Maybe she’s live, maybe she died. We don’t know. Maybe the tunnel collapsed and nobody knows. Maybe they died from hunger. Nobody knows nothing about them. I tried to disconnect myself not to think what is she doing because this is break me.
Nour Swirki:
On the May 11th, I evacuated from Rafah to Deir al Balah. And since then, I am based in a tent camp with my husband. 11th of May was our first day to be together. Me and my husband in the same place because he’s always in the field and I am in the shelter. So we met for the first time under a tent. And it was strange to be with my man in a tent. No privacy at all. Living in a tent is a kind of miserable, trust me. No human being should have this experience to be in a tent.
Shlomi Berger:
We believe that what will do the best for Lee Yam is to do something with meaning. When you do something with meaning and you doing all day, your head is not busy with sad things. I don’t know. It is helping them, the mental situation. So we decided together that for us as parents is okay that Lee Yam won’t be at home. She talked about it. She thought about it a very long time. She should be in the officer’s schools one year before, but she didn’t want. And in these times, I told Lee Yam, think that the best thing for you is to go to this officer’s school because me, myself, I was an officer and I know how much it’s meaningful for a human being, especially here in Israel. It will be good for her. It’s tough. But we are very proud what Lee Yam decided and we support her and it’s okay, we are holding on.
Nour Swirki:
July 18, it was one of the best moments in this world because they sent me a cake. My sister just asked her friend to make a cake and to send it to me. And it was written on a paper on it, “From the displaced people in Cairo to the displaced people in Gaza, happy birthday.” And then I know that they are my family. So I gathered all my colleagues here who was working inside the tent camp of journalists here. We were over than 50 people and we make this not organized party. So I just put the cake and they turned off the lights and start singing to me happy birthday. And it was one of the best moment that I had since a year.
Shlomi Berger:
This event did something to everybody in the stomach. Everybody realized that when we screamed, they’re dying over there and their guardians decided to shoot their heads. I don’t know why. I really don’t know why they did do it. It makes us very, very worried. We’re afraid. No guarantee. Everybody told me, “Well you have a girl, she’s an IDF. So they will keep her very, very good because she’s worth much prisoners or things like that.” But now, there’s no guarantee for nothing with these lunatics. So I really don’t know. I see the negotiations, it’s like two mountains. Everybody stand on what he wants and doesn’t move. And in this situation, how will we make a deal? I really don’t know.
On the 31 of August on 8:00 PM, I finished to prayers in our synagogue and got a message from some of the people that praying with me that they found bodies of hostages, boys and girls that was murdered and we got crazy. In this moment, we didn’t believe it’s true. Unfortunately, it was true. And in this moment, I realized that they tell me that my girl is worth like a diamond because she’s a girl and she’s IDF and everybody’s keeping her so good, they won’t hurt her. But when I heard about this, I won’t believe that they’re keeping her so good. They can kill her because if they’re afraid that the IDF will come, they don’t care about if they get some prisoners or not. It’s their life and they killed her and run away.
And then this minute, I understand that nothing is promised. You don’t have guarantee from nothing. And we live in the hell from the 7th of October, but this is the real hell now that every day I think, okay, they can kill Agam. I don’t know, maybe she’s already dead because we don’t know about Agam for a month. We don’t know nothing. No intelligence, nothing. And I don’t know what to think.
Nour Swirki:
The last week, I’ve been crying all the nights. I’m not sure because I am afraid or terrified or because I miss my children because it’s too hard to be in a war. It looks like an endless war. There is no vision for a political solution, closed solution. So I’ve been depressed. I called my father and I said to him, “Do you think that it was a mistake to take this decision to stay and to send my children?” He was just supporting me and saying, “You are doing a great job there. Your children are safe and they are in a good hands and we are taking care very well from them. Don’t be the depressed.” And I felt that this moment I need the hug of my dad. I miss him. It’s a year now. I didn’t see my dad. So I miss him.
I miss to feel that I’m safe. I’m protected. And I feel this feelings when I am very close to him. My feelings now are very confused that I’m not safe, I’m not protected. I’m under this threat of being a target. And that make me very nervous, very depressed. I have this nightmares every night that I have to evacuate and I can’t evacuate. I can’t move to evacuate.
Shlomi Berger:
So I believe two weeks ago, me and Meirav, the first time for a year, we went to the beach, to the sea. We had the three or four hours alone with no one else. That was the first and for now, the last time that we did something as a couple together. We need to keep each other and keep ourselves for the minute that Agam will come and for the rest of the kids and the family. I know they need us.
I still going to work every day. I work as much as I can. At work, I’m okay. But when I come home, I don’t have any power to do nothing. For me to make with you this call, it’s a big effort. It’s like running out of batteries. This is how I feel.
Hallelujah is one of the things that Agam is playing in the violin. I sent a young, healthy girl to the IDF. After so much time, I don’t know what will I get back, what will be her physical and mental situation. We don’t know. I can’t afford myself to lose the hope. I have a girl over there and we must be strong for her, all the family. But there are like waves. It’s ups and downs. All of this period of almost one year. And every time we go, maybe there will be a deal, it crashes suddenly. And again, we got to a low point. This is a low point. I believe in the negotiation. I didn’t lose my hope, I didn’t lose my faith, but it’s tough. It’s very, very tough.
Nour Swirki:
I was thinking that I will manage to go out for them within two or three months, but now it’s five months and I miss them. Yeah, we talk, daily talking, we’re daily chatting, go and seeing each other. But it’s not like being with them again where they are eating well, sleeping well. So I’m satisfied that I did that. And I don’t blame myself about being very far from my children because I know it’s much better for them, much easier for them to be in this place and what I want just to survive and to meet them after this war or for the moment that the Rafah Crossing will be reopened. So I’m waiting for that moment to reunion with my children. I believe I did my best, but I need to be a mother again and to hug my children, to sleep beside them, to go out hanging sometime with them. So I missed this time. I’m angry because nothing is happening. We lose everything and I’m losing the happy moments with my family, with my children.
Shlomi Berger:
I don’t think about the October 7 events. I can tell you sincerely. I don’t care about this day. I don’t know how to deal with this day. I don’t want to go to any place. For me, it’ll be the best to stay at home. I don’t know if I want to even to turn on the TV, just be with my family. That is for me is the best thing. Agam, I wish she will be back. Until then, what Agam will ask, we will do. If she tell me, “Father, I want to go to the moon,” I’ll take her to the moon. I know, I truly know that Agam will come back. For me, there is no question about it. The only thing that we don’t know is when. We’re waiting for her.
Kim Hjelmgaard:
Our senior producers are Shannon Rae Green and Kaely Monahan. And our executive producer is Laura Beatty. Special thanks to Matt Glasson, our editor. Please let us know what you think of this episode by sending a note to podcasts@usatoday.com. I’m Kim Hjelmgaard. Taylor Wilson will be back tomorrow morning with another episode of The Excerpt.
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